Maxim Presents: Jock Jams VII

by Franklin and Bash: the band

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    YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT BRO

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about

Ted Turner sold "Franklin & Bash: the TV show" so that he could purchase Maxim and Jock Jams and have a BRO-MONOPOLY. A Monobroly if you will. He's pumping millions of dollars into this album to lead the way for the volleyball and visors revolution! Join us or be a nerd.

credits

released May 20, 2015

(young) Al Pacino - vocals
Steven Seagal (but more kickass) - Bass, back up vocals
Brecklin Meyers (with cooler tattoos) - Keyboards, back up vocals
Justin Beiber (but like, with killer biceps) - Drums

Matt Brown - back up vocals

tags

license

all rights reserved

about

Franklin and Bash: the band Seattle, Washington

Four dudes playing kiler tunes in between depositions and keg stands.

Jack Port: Divorce / DUI Attorney
S. Mike: Entertainment Attorney
Mitt "Hung Jury" :Middlemen: Ambulance Chasin'
Mattholomew Frankenstien IV: Trial Attorney
... more

contact / help

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Track Name: Trial by Jager
Francis likes to fuck
With my life
Ly hood and I’m talking about my career
I could be commandant by now
but Francis likes to fuck, with me
He really likes to fuck with me
Francis loves to fuck

My pencil’s laid succinctly on my desk
How are you not impressed

My mustache must lash you more
Verbally three times or four

I’m talking…I’m talking…I’m talking.. I’m talking, to you

You and me?
Toe to toe?
You and me?
Let’s go

You and me
Toe to toe
You and me….

I think I might be in over my head
Cause I’m tired of changing and I’m tired of changing, I’m tired of changing but I think I might have overplayed my hand

We’ve got no room on the force for you
Francis you better shape up

Pay attention to my few rules
If you’d like to write them down I would appreciate it

I’m talking…I’m talking…I’m talking

You and me?
Toe to toe?
You and me?
Let’s go

You and me
Toe to toe
You and me….

I think I might be in over my head
Cause I’m tired of changing and I’m tired of changing, I’m tired of changing but I think I might have overplayed my hand
Track Name: Closing Arguments re: popping your collar
Boom. shaka-laka

Stiles was
Conceived
To this world
With no fear of death, of death and nothing else

Not yours
my friends
or theirs
or anyone else

Yeah, it's not fair

Checked box
Next to the one line
Of a question

Have you
Ever had dark thoughts?
Well yes, because

I live my life like a video game
you’re all just shitty characters in my play
My life should be a spiral of shame
but I play for free and the rest of you pay

Boom

Re-mem
ber that
time you grabbed my arm

Guess what?
My Dad
just passed the bar, last week

Touch me? Touch me. Touch me. Touch me and I’ll sue your asss

these shades
do more
than hide my eyes from the day

removed
you’d find
an empty shell, that is because

I live my life like a video game
That’s the cut of my jib, the way I sway
My life should be a spiral of shame
but I’m car surfing to total acclaim
I live my life like a video game
It’s only one players, oh that’s such a shame
I live my life like a video game
It might be smart to stay out of my way
Track Name: Big Perm v. Big Worm, et al;
Big Perm v. Big Worm, et al;

Lend me your ear chief, I’d like to bend it over here for a second

You are not only talking to, the man who’s about to do some business with you

but also ya life coach
So clear ya ears
Hear this
Know this
Live this

Playin with my wallet, is like playing with my emotions
Playin with my emotions, is like playing with my ice cream
Playin with my ice cream, is like playing with my drug deals
Playin with my drug dealings, is like playing with my wallet again

Fat boy did you hear just what I said?
Go right ahead and tell ya momma
I can’t take any more of your questions, I’m about to blow this entire place up
Cause people don’t respect me anyway

Scream

God, I hope ya heard me
God, I hope ya heard me
God, I hope you were listening to me

It’s not all about you
It’s not all about you
God, cause it’s all about me

Fuck you mom
Fuck you dad
Fuck everyone
Track Name: Out for Justice
Well I can tell all you pussies one thing
Life is hard, in my front yard
my hands are course but my liver need some moisturizing

Let’s get benny the book
and don vitorio
and benny and snails and that ugly girl Trixie
Sammy, Tattoo, you got this, you know how we do

The gangs all here, it’s the best day of the year

Well upon entering this drinking establishment
I’ve established that my whiskey is 90%
Pauly’s here, he’ likes his pasta al dente
and here’s where we go, so that’s where we went
Common sense and fear, screaming in my ear

Woe

I can’t refocus my mind
I can’t remember a single thing, that happened to me in here
Well I’ve got a thought, a flash of light, a hot impulse
I got into a bar fight and sticks, and sticks, and sticks and sticks and sticks/sticks/sticks/sticks

There’s a ringing in my ear, it sure is dark in here

Woe

un dos tres quatro

Pony tails and injured wails
Dual eyed squints and tiger prints
I want to go home
I need to go home
Track Name: Divorce Court Keg Stand
My life's a mess
and my shirt's also a mess
it didn't stop me from finding
your home address

I'd love to tell you
That I hate your guts
but under one simple
condition that I'm up in em

This is not a
love note, it's more
of a death threat
to you, and yours

I clench my fist
and hope i can
drain blood from this
hard on, soon and

I lost my job the same day that my dog died
We lost the pennant that day and I just broke down and cried

Rick vaughn your name
short shorts your game
don't want it
don't need it
I swear it
believe it
you throwin
I'm catchin
nice shirt
we matchin
imagine our life if we just hung out all the time

This is not a textbook definition of romance This is not an ironic definition of romance
my shirt’s still a mess and this game is over, bring out the pooper scooper, i mean

Your cool stylish haircut is making my denim tingle
Your cool stylish haircut is making my emotions mingle
I am not a bright man, but I can see what you’ve got
I am not a bright man, but I’ve gotta know what you’ve got
I am not a bright man, but i just wanna tie knots
I am not a bright man, but I’m burnin burnin burnin hot

Let’s count to three, it’ll calm me down, let’s do it 1…2….3
Start the season, cause it’s the mating season
This doesn’t work when I see your face
Let’s count to three, I gotta calm this down, let’s do it 1…2….3

The moment our eyes locked
I prayed to god again
Was it for the win
It felt more like a sin
I am not a bright man, but I can see what you’ve got
I am not a bright man, but I’ve gotta feel what you’ve got

Let’s count to three, it’s the only way, let’s do it 1...2...3
Start the season, cause it’s the mating season
This doesn’t work when I see your face
Let’s count to three, I need it bad, let’s do it 1…2….3
Let’s do it ……..Let’s get married today
Track Name: Probate
I ain’t lyin
I’ve seen it, I’ve smelt it, I’ve shined it
I ain’t lyin
I guess I’ll fix ya pipes just like I’ll fix ya life, yeah
I ain’t lyin
I could be fist deep in titties not knee deep in your bullshit
I ain’t lyin
And let me axe you, have i been?

So, your kid got strangled
but I guess, I’ll handle it
the fits, the lips, the slips, the splits, it’s all
It’s a ghost ghost ghost ghost ghost

I ain’t lyin
frozen crackers in my trunk might help me back over this pass
I ain’t lyin
but if my car gets ditched it’s gonna be your ass
I ain’t lyin
How would you like it if I ruined your nap?
I ain’t lyin
and let me axe you, have i been?

Oh, your kid got strangled?
but I guess, I’ll handle it
the fits, the blips, the slips, the splits, it’s all
It’s a ghost ghost ghost ghost ghost (ghost whispers)

ghost ghost ghost
I ain’t lyin
gg-gg-ghost
I ain’t lyin
(scream like the singer is scared of a ghost)
Track Name: Incompus Mentus
I smarter than everybody says,
not dumb, like you were lead to believe.
My brothers have been picking on me since day one
and it’s time that I get my justice due

Smart as a whip, as they say
but whip’s aint smaht, not to may
a sword is smarter. it’ll cut ya
What could be smarter than a cutting mechanism?

book smahts don’t pay the rent
Book smahts don’t pitch my tent

I read on truth.com
just the other day
that if we keep stealing energy away from the sun
it’ll shrivel up like deflated baboon

Who would read that stuff, anyway
But a cultured man
Engaging in scientific debate
With an mental state that’s pretty great

book smahts don’t pay the rent
Book smahts don’t pitch my tent

When the river’s not flowing your way
switch to the other side
it’s flowing in the opposite direction
and you’ll get a lot quicker to your destination

hey fred, it’s mike, sonny’s on his way
not only are you dumb but you’re kinda lame
and I’m just letting you know how it is
you don’t even know your there their theres

Come at me bro
with your there their they’res
Even bring your where were wears
I’m tired of being malcolm in the middle
I’m tired of having to remain civil

book smahts don’t pay the rent
Book smahts don’t pitch my tent
Track Name: Bro Bono
Channeling my inner James Caan
Not as suave as my Don Johnson
I just shit so hard I cracked my back
these guts are spilled I’m right on track

Oh, it’s been a long time coming
It’s been a long treacherous path
but momma momma, tell your doctor tell your kids
baby bird, is ready to fly
baby baby baby, I’m here

I’ve got an itch
it’s more of a sneaking suspicion
that. these. slam poetry classes have finally paid their dues

ooooh, baby baby baby baby baby baby

damn straight
I’ve got the mic in my hand
I’m the king of this land

I’m the garbage man
I’ll take you trash to the can

You all will see
This was meant to be

I have arrived

Well my palms feel greased
I can’t stand the look on your face
what it is?
Syphilis

Well as I take the stage
I can feel it filling this place
what’s that feeling?
Syphilis
what’s that smell?
Syphilis
what’s that itchyness?
Syphilis
what’s that blindness?
Syphilis
What’s that death?

Syphilis
Track Name: Chimney Intruder Indictment
Buddy
Pal

We are friends
At least I thought we were

But last year
Your gift was a shell station gift card

Oh willy my willy
I wrote a special song for you

Oh willy my willy
I may be short of stature but I know I'm worth more than twenty dollars

They all can’t be winners
This is your year for reprieve
They all can’t be winners
that's the theme of this Christmas eve

They all can’t be winners
John Ritter gifted me a diet book

They all can’t be winners
I know I’m fatter, I’m not flattered

Oh willy my willy
I expect a little more from you, don’t you remember?

Cause willy my willy
I picked you up off the floor and I got you some muscle milk at the store

They all can’t be winners
It’s like a gift of hpv
They all can’t be winners
I’ll say it to you on Christmas eve

I guess we've never been exceptionally good friends
But if this gift is unremarkable our friendships at an end
That’s what I’m saying here That’s what I’m trying to say
What I mean is. What'd you get me?

Athletic sock
Socks

They all can’t be winners
Which I’ve just gotta repeat
They all can’t be winners
I’ll say it to you on Christmas eve