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Maxim Presents: Jock Jams VII

by Franklin and Bash: the band

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    YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT BRO

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  • USB Flash Drive + Digital Album

    Includes unlimited streaming of Maxim Presents: Jock Jams VII via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
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1.
Francis likes to fuck With my life Ly hood and I’m talking about my career I could be commandant by now but Francis likes to fuck, with me He really likes to fuck with me Francis loves to fuck My pencil’s laid succinctly on my desk How are you not impressed My mustache must lash you more Verbally three times or four I’m talking…I’m talking…I’m talking.. I’m talking, to you You and me? Toe to toe? You and me? Let’s go You and me Toe to toe You and me…. I think I might be in over my head Cause I’m tired of changing and I’m tired of changing, I’m tired of changing but I think I might have overplayed my hand We’ve got no room on the force for you Francis you better shape up Pay attention to my few rules If you’d like to write them down I would appreciate it I’m talking…I’m talking…I’m talking You and me? Toe to toe? You and me? Let’s go You and me Toe to toe You and me…. I think I might be in over my head Cause I’m tired of changing and I’m tired of changing, I’m tired of changing but I think I might have overplayed my hand
2.
Boom. shaka-laka Stiles was Conceived To this world With no fear of death, of death and nothing else Not yours my friends or theirs or anyone else Yeah, it's not fair Checked box Next to the one line Of a question Have you Ever had dark thoughts? Well yes, because I live my life like a video game you’re all just shitty characters in my play My life should be a spiral of shame but I play for free and the rest of you pay Boom Re-mem ber that time you grabbed my arm Guess what? My Dad just passed the bar, last week Touch me? Touch me. Touch me. Touch me and I’ll sue your asss these shades do more than hide my eyes from the day removed you’d find an empty shell, that is because I live my life like a video game That’s the cut of my jib, the way I sway My life should be a spiral of shame but I’m car surfing to total acclaim I live my life like a video game It’s only one players, oh that’s such a shame I live my life like a video game It might be smart to stay out of my way
3.
Big Perm v. Big Worm, et al; Lend me your ear chief, I’d like to bend it over here for a second You are not only talking to, the man who’s about to do some business with you but also ya life coach So clear ya ears Hear this Know this Live this Playin with my wallet, is like playing with my emotions Playin with my emotions, is like playing with my ice cream Playin with my ice cream, is like playing with my drug deals Playin with my drug dealings, is like playing with my wallet again Fat boy did you hear just what I said? Go right ahead and tell ya momma I can’t take any more of your questions, I’m about to blow this entire place up Cause people don’t respect me anyway Scream God, I hope ya heard me God, I hope ya heard me God, I hope you were listening to me It’s not all about you It’s not all about you God, cause it’s all about me Fuck you mom Fuck you dad Fuck everyone
4.
Well I can tell all you pussies one thing Life is hard, in my front yard my hands are course but my liver need some moisturizing Let’s get benny the book and don vitorio and benny and snails and that ugly girl Trixie Sammy, Tattoo, you got this, you know how we do The gangs all here, it’s the best day of the year Well upon entering this drinking establishment I’ve established that my whiskey is 90% Pauly’s here, he’ likes his pasta al dente and here’s where we go, so that’s where we went Common sense and fear, screaming in my ear Woe I can’t refocus my mind I can’t remember a single thing, that happened to me in here Well I’ve got a thought, a flash of light, a hot impulse I got into a bar fight and sticks, and sticks, and sticks and sticks and sticks/sticks/sticks/sticks There’s a ringing in my ear, it sure is dark in here Woe un dos tres quatro Pony tails and injured wails Dual eyed squints and tiger prints I want to go home I need to go home
5.
My life's a mess and my shirt's also a mess it didn't stop me from finding your home address I'd love to tell you That I hate your guts but under one simple condition that I'm up in em This is not a love note, it's more of a death threat to you, and yours I clench my fist and hope i can drain blood from this hard on, soon and I lost my job the same day that my dog died We lost the pennant that day and I just broke down and cried Rick vaughn your name short shorts your game don't want it don't need it I swear it believe it you throwin I'm catchin nice shirt we matchin imagine our life if we just hung out all the time This is not a textbook definition of romance This is not an ironic definition of romance my shirt’s still a mess and this game is over, bring out the pooper scooper, i mean Your cool stylish haircut is making my denim tingle Your cool stylish haircut is making my emotions mingle I am not a bright man, but I can see what you’ve got I am not a bright man, but I’ve gotta know what you’ve got I am not a bright man, but i just wanna tie knots I am not a bright man, but I’m burnin burnin burnin hot Let’s count to three, it’ll calm me down, let’s do it 1…2….3 Start the season, cause it’s the mating season This doesn’t work when I see your face Let’s count to three, I gotta calm this down, let’s do it 1…2….3 The moment our eyes locked I prayed to god again Was it for the win It felt more like a sin I am not a bright man, but I can see what you’ve got I am not a bright man, but I’ve gotta feel what you’ve got Let’s count to three, it’s the only way, let’s do it 1...2...3 Start the season, cause it’s the mating season This doesn’t work when I see your face Let’s count to three, I need it bad, let’s do it 1…2….3 Let’s do it ……..Let’s get married today
6.
Probate 02:40
I ain’t lyin I’ve seen it, I’ve smelt it, I’ve shined it I ain’t lyin I guess I’ll fix ya pipes just like I’ll fix ya life, yeah I ain’t lyin I could be fist deep in titties not knee deep in your bullshit I ain’t lyin And let me axe you, have i been? So, your kid got strangled but I guess, I’ll handle it the fits, the lips, the slips, the splits, it’s all It’s a ghost ghost ghost ghost ghost I ain’t lyin frozen crackers in my trunk might help me back over this pass I ain’t lyin but if my car gets ditched it’s gonna be your ass I ain’t lyin How would you like it if I ruined your nap? I ain’t lyin and let me axe you, have i been? Oh, your kid got strangled? but I guess, I’ll handle it the fits, the blips, the slips, the splits, it’s all It’s a ghost ghost ghost ghost ghost (ghost whispers) ghost ghost ghost I ain’t lyin gg-gg-ghost I ain’t lyin (scream like the singer is scared of a ghost)
7.
I smarter than everybody says, not dumb, like you were lead to believe. My brothers have been picking on me since day one and it’s time that I get my justice due Smart as a whip, as they say but whip’s aint smaht, not to may a sword is smarter. it’ll cut ya What could be smarter than a cutting mechanism? book smahts don’t pay the rent Book smahts don’t pitch my tent I read on truth.com just the other day that if we keep stealing energy away from the sun it’ll shrivel up like deflated baboon Who would read that stuff, anyway But a cultured man Engaging in scientific debate With an mental state that’s pretty great book smahts don’t pay the rent Book smahts don’t pitch my tent When the river’s not flowing your way switch to the other side it’s flowing in the opposite direction and you’ll get a lot quicker to your destination hey fred, it’s mike, sonny’s on his way not only are you dumb but you’re kinda lame and I’m just letting you know how it is you don’t even know your there their theres Come at me bro with your there their they’res Even bring your where were wears I’m tired of being malcolm in the middle I’m tired of having to remain civil book smahts don’t pay the rent Book smahts don’t pitch my tent
8.
Bro Bono 03:58
Channeling my inner James Caan Not as suave as my Don Johnson I just shit so hard I cracked my back these guts are spilled I’m right on track Oh, it’s been a long time coming It’s been a long treacherous path but momma momma, tell your doctor tell your kids baby bird, is ready to fly baby baby baby, I’m here I’ve got an itch it’s more of a sneaking suspicion that. these. slam poetry classes have finally paid their dues ooooh, baby baby baby baby baby baby damn straight I’ve got the mic in my hand I’m the king of this land I’m the garbage man I’ll take you trash to the can You all will see This was meant to be I have arrived Well my palms feel greased I can’t stand the look on your face what it is? Syphilis Well as I take the stage I can feel it filling this place what’s that feeling? Syphilis what’s that smell? Syphilis what’s that itchyness? Syphilis what’s that blindness? Syphilis What’s that death? Syphilis
9.
Buddy Pal We are friends At least I thought we were But last year Your gift was a shell station gift card Oh willy my willy I wrote a special song for you Oh willy my willy I may be short of stature but I know I'm worth more than twenty dollars They all can’t be winners This is your year for reprieve They all can’t be winners that's the theme of this Christmas eve They all can’t be winners John Ritter gifted me a diet book They all can’t be winners I know I’m fatter, I’m not flattered Oh willy my willy I expect a little more from you, don’t you remember? Cause willy my willy I picked you up off the floor and I got you some muscle milk at the store They all can’t be winners It’s like a gift of hpv They all can’t be winners I’ll say it to you on Christmas eve I guess we've never been exceptionally good friends But if this gift is unremarkable our friendships at an end That’s what I’m saying here That’s what I’m trying to say What I mean is. What'd you get me? Athletic sock Socks They all can’t be winners Which I’ve just gotta repeat They all can’t be winners I’ll say it to you on Christmas eve

about

Ted Turner sold "Franklin & Bash: the TV show" so that he could purchase Maxim and Jock Jams and have a BRO-MONOPOLY. A Monobroly if you will. He's pumping millions of dollars into this album to lead the way for the volleyball and visors revolution! Join us or be a nerd.

credits

released May 20, 2015

(young) Al Pacino - vocals
Steven Seagal (but more kickass) - Bass, back up vocals
Brecklin Meyers (with cooler tattoos) - Keyboards, back up vocals
Justin Beiber (but like, with killer biceps) - Drums

Matt Brown - back up vocals

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about

Franklin and Bash: the band Seattle, Washington

Four dudes playing kiler tunes in between depositions and keg stands.

Jack Port: Divorce / DUI Attorney
S. Mike: Entertainment Attorney
Mitt "Hung Jury" :Middlemen: Ambulance Chasin'
Mattholomew Frankenstien IV: Trial Attorney
... more

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